"I have been subjected to a nervous strain unparallelled since the early days of the Martyrs. I have lost pounds in weight and have permanently injured my entire system. I have gone through an ordeal, the recollection of which will make me wake up screaming in the night for months to come"
PG Wodehouse - Very Good Jeeves (Jeeves and the Song of Songs)
My dearly beloved nearly made our Christmas Cake!
I could indeed end the story there. I am sure you would get the drift, but have decided to elaborate as much as my addled composure will allow.
First he collected the alcohol, not to put in the cake, but to add to the chef, adding to the Christmassy atmosphere you understand.
We had soaked the fruit the night before, so far so good. Then it came to the 'creaming of the sugar and butter' this was achieved by the, shall we call him by this time 'The Semi Naked Chef'. Baking is such an extraordinarily strenuous business don't you find, pursing of lips and several expletives later, he had achieved the soft dropping consistency. I say 'he' the mixture was still like wet cement - but dearest was in dire need of oxygen
Then - I could call this his finest hour, he oh so carefully weighed out the flour.
Spices were called for - we have an extensive herb and spice cupboard, a culinary repertoire which would delight a Tudor court (only some of which are within their sell by date, but there it is)
An adorable little miniature Kilner jar catapulted itself into the waiting mixing bowl, an explosion of flour hit every surface within a very large radius. Who knew such a small amount of flour could travel so far.
My husband took on the air of someone who has been very hard done by all the days of his life, and questioned the sanity of the person who would collect such a vast array of jars and squeeze them all onto three small shelves (Guess who!)
At this moment he decided they would all benefit from a harsh declutter!!!
I sensitively suggested he would benefit from a nice lie down in a cool room and carried on regardless. The cake, now baked, appears to be unharmed by its travails